Two of the biggest issues Alzheimer's and Dementia caregivers face is how to cope and communicate with someone living with dementia.
Let's face it, People suffering from Alzheimer's often say things that seem nonsensical to us, say things that leave us confused, frustrated, and sometimes angry.
The words they say often cause us to react negatively.
The real issue though is, are we really listening to the person living with dementia or are we immediately reacting or overreacting to their words? Imagine yourself calmly leaning up against the wall and listening to your Alzheimer's patient. While leaning up against the wall try and think about what the words they are saying really mean.
You can do this exercise while sitting in a comfortable chair and imagining an encounter, episode, or incident you had with your loved one.
A common example is when the dementia patients says, I want to go home. Home of course can mean many different things.
Eventually, I started paying very close attention to the things patients repeated often:
As I leaned against the wall and started listening it finally dawned on me that the patient was not really saying "I want to move", instead she was trying to tell me she wanted to feel safe and secure.
Once I figured out how to look beyond the obvious and listen, I found that I was no longer disconcerted or frustrated.
When I heard, I want to go home, I simply responded, "okay we will look into it" or, "we will have to go up there soon and look for a place".
The less words you say by the way the better. If you use too many words it doesn't work very well.
Once I started listening, I also started learning. In this case I decided I was going to address the issue of safety and security head on.
So I started putting my arm around patients and saying things like, "I really like it here, this is a very safe and secure place to live". The result of creating a safe, secure environment, by frequently putting your arm around your loved one and reassuring them will likely create the long term effect you are looking for - they will stop saying mean, harsh, or nonsensical things or at least say them less often.
